I'll tell you why! I've never been to the dentist and been told anything other than "your teeth are fine, keep up the good work". Ok, once, a dentist told me I should get braces. I didn't need them though, they just stick braces on any kid growing up in the UK like they've got a quota to fill, and that quota specifies "one to every kid". My teeth have basically gone back to how they were because there was no way I was wearing that retainer at night. And it's fine, I can still chew. Trust me, I have no trouble eating.
The only other time I got told something different was "your wisdom teeth are coming through... go to this address to see this other dentist". So I went to this 'dentist' but it was just a guy's house, and then he told me "yeah, your wisdom teeth are coming through at a right angle to what they should be. But unless it hurts, we'll just leave them. We like to just leave wisdom teeth these days". So when I don't need braces, I'm held down and have bits of metal glued to my skull, but when my wisdom teeth come out at a right angle, betraying their molar friends, nobody bats an eyelid. And they never did hurt, so I didn't need to do anything. So basically, they could have summarised it as "your teeth are fine, keep up the good work". Thanks guys.
And doctors... Now, don't get me wrong, doctors are brilliant if you need one. If I need to have an operation for some reason and anyone other than a doctor is in charge, like, a builder or a lawyer, I'd be cross. But I always forget that some doctors are just like some people, and they have absolutely no common sense.
I hate going to the doctor now, because I've had a recurring problem with my back, and it's got to the point once before where for 5 weeks I couldn't lie down, and I couldn't sleep for more than 2 half hours every night. And I had to go to the doctor a few times with that, and every time I went back, the woman who saw me made me feel like an idiot and a burden.
I'm just going to take this opportunity to say to any doctors reading (and I know there aren't any, but still):
I am not a doctor.
In fact, you can put that in your records. Type my name in, pull my records up and just make a note at the top there. You can quote me on it: "This patient is NOT a doctor and has very little knowledge of biology and medicine, so will visit when something isn't functioning properly on his body".
So if a doctor tells me it's a trapped nerve, and will go in 2 weeks, and if after 5 weeks it's still there and I go back, and if after a year when I feel the same spot twinging like it's gonna go again any minute, and if in my uneducated un-doctor brain I, for some reason, think all of this means it could be more than a trapped nerve, then yes, I might come back to the doctor.
And if you are a doctor, then maybe just realise that the majority of people who are going to come to you will, in fact, not be doctors. They will be ordinary people, with no medical expertise or training, and some of them are probably coming to you because they have a genuine concern for their health, and they made the simple mistake of thinking that doctors were there for exactly that purpose. Your job is to help diagnose people and help treat them. That's your job. So people who are ill will come to you and ask you for your expertise, because that is your job. You best get used to it.
So I don't like to go to the doctor, and after my recent visit, which prompted all this typing, I do wonder if we could do with testing them all and just getting rid of the naff ones, and just use google. We all do it, and to be honest, google is usually more right than the doctor. Most of my doctor's appointments go like this: Doctor gets it wrong, I google it and realise they're wrong, I keep googling and find out the right answer, I go back and say 'I think it might be this', doctor agrees.
Fairly recently, I had shingles. Just so you know, shingles is like a rash - it's chicken pox that lives under your skin for years and years and then just comes up along one nerve randomly when you're an adult (by the way, don't google it. It's grim. It looks like you're turning into a red crocodile, one nerve at a time). I didn't know what it was at the time. He told me "it's not shingles, it can't be, because it hasn't scabbed over yet. It's herpes. Take some of this stuff".
I didn't know much about herpes. I knew it was an STI from school, but I knew that thrush was too, and I also knew from my time working at a nursery that you can catch thrush from drooling babies, so it's not exclusively transmitted through...well, the S part of STI. So I googled it at home to see what it said about herpes. Again, I don't recommend googling.
Anyway, I discovered that it was exclusively passed on through skin on skin contact, and that it was something you only get around your mouth and your genitals. But my rash was on my rib, and I am a Christian, so I'm trying hard as you like to stay celibate until I hopefully get married.
One day my princess will come...
So I think it's fair to say, there's sufficient reason for me to think the doctor might have made a mistake.
Which made me a bit annoyed... maybe I'm being unfair, but if a doctor has that computer in front of them and reads that 'herpes is something you get on your mouth or on your dingle' while looking at a rash on your rib, you might just be prompted to ask a couple more questions. I'd expect a doctor, as he tries to ascertain whether I've got herpes or not, to at least ask, "Mike, have you erm...done it recently?" Because a very simple question like that could lead to a very simple answer, "no, doctor", which in turn will lead to the doctor not being wrong. I thought doctors have tests in communication so they are able to work out what's wrong, I didn't realise they just have to randomly suggest a disease and wait for you to google it and come back with the real answer. I thought we'd moved on from that.
Anyway, I spoke to a mate who had shingles a few weeks before I did, (shingles brothers!!) and he saw the rash and said it was definitely shingles. So I went back, and this time, a different doctor, as soon as I lifted up my shirt, said, STRAIGHT AWAY, "yeah, that's definitely shingles". She explained how shingles is also known as "herpes zoster", so that's probably where the confusion came from. I didn't tell her that her colleague had said "it's definitely not shingles because it hasn't scabbed over". I mean, what do I know? I'm not a doctor.
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