Blog 99: 1

In the song "Mr. Brownstone" Axl Rose boasts about his addiction to heroine and how it affected his life and the band's life, saying "I get up around 7, I get out of bed around 9."

Now is it just me, or is that really not that bad@$$ for an 80s metal band? As much as I love good ol' pre-axl-rose-going-mental and slash leaving Guns N' Roses, getting up at 7 and getting out of bed at 9 is well pansy. Just today I woke up at 9 and only just now got out of bed, and as I write this it's 12:37. And the worst drug I take is Weetabix, and the Morrison's value version at that. I don't know why they were often 3 hours late to gigs when they had all that time since their early rise-n-shinin' at 9 until the evening, where all they did was probably snort powders and bang ladies with massive hair-do's.

On a smaller note, you may have noticed it's my 99th blog. And obviously, that means that the next one will be my 100th. And I know I broke my New Year's Eve promise to upload 100 by midnight of the last day of 2010, but this Friday I am turning 20, and so I think that would be a similar excuse for me to upload my 100th blog. So keep reading.

Blog 98: 2

I bought a game the other day and it was delivered (somehow) yesterday, despite it being sunday. It's Aliens Vs Predator, for anyone who's interested.

It is a good game, it's good fun being the humans, but it is also the most terrifying thing anyone could ever do in the world ever. I was sat in the dark in my room mesmerized by the horror as I wandered through dark space corridors listening intently to my motion sensor for the dreaded beeping that means a vicious lizardy-insect is coming at me to chew off my face. Every once in a while you are fortunate to rendez-vous with some other humans with guns, and it's the most satisfying and relieving thing in the world, until shortly after they are ripped to shreds, mashed and stolen right in front of your eyes, living you with the aliens coming at you and your tiny little pistol.

I don't know what in the world SEGA thought was a good idea about making a game which leaves people in puddles of their own hard-earned urine, but for some reason it works. I didn't sleep much last night though.

Blog 97: 3

I just had an exam for my University course and one of the questions was either really difficult and I was missing something major in my revision, or it was the easiest question in the WORLD.

It still annoyed me though.

The question was: "What do you think the world will be like in 2025."

Well here's my answer.

"I personally believe the world will end in 2012, like the aztecs. (Not really) But for the purpose of this question let's assume that the prediction is not 100% definitely going to happen.

I think the world in the future will be a very different place. The main difference is that machines will rule the world, and they will keep the humans in pods and this will be how they make energy, because we will have run out of oil and other fossil fuels. The machines will plug the humans into a computer program, which means the humans will think they are living a life similar to a life lived by someone from the 1990s.

There will be some humans who have resisted the machines rule and live in a city called Zion. One of these will wear a Guy Fawkes mask and be called V. He will take a young girl hostage and then blow up the Houses of Parliament, for some reason.

There will be another man, called Morpheus. He will go into the computer program and find the One who will fight the machines.

The Machines will react violently, sending a giant austrian robot back to the 80s to kill Sarah Connor, who is someone's mum. The humans send V back with Kyle Reese to stop him, but Kyle ends up having it away with Sarah. They beat the robot, but he comes back to fight a police robot, who is Robocops friend.

I would like to say that they will have suits made of metal that can fly, not dissimilar to Iron Man, but of course that is unrealistic and wouldn't happen, no matter how much we want it. Instead we will have to defeat the aliens on Sigourney Weaver's ship without high tech suits, but it should be ok because as soon as it lands on Pandora the Na'vi will be waiting."

That's what I think will happen. You can't fault it, it's in movies.

Blog 96: 4

So it's the New Year. And I know I didn't keep my promise to upload my 100th blog post as it turned midnight, so I'm sorry to all of you who read my blog (my understanding is that it's not that many) and I will make it up to you by having a wonderful blog for my 96th one with pictures and everything. It'll be like magic.

Yesterday I went on a lovely trip to London to Madamme Tussaud's.

Oh, what a place!

Where else can you stand next to a statue of Freddie Mercury or Jimi Hendrix or Henry VIII as if they were still alive?

Well, Madamme Tussaud's anywhere else, of course, but there's nowhere else in London, that's for 78% sure!

And so off I went on the tube, all to London, and went in the door and LOOK! THE BEATLES! LEO DI CAPRIO! JONNY DEPP! JOHN F KENNEDY! David Cameron? Zac...Ef..ron?

Uh oh. I've walked into my worst nightmare, I realised, as I looked over to Patrick Stewart on his own (he'd probably cry if he had tear ducts) whilst Leona Lewis had crowds around her. And where's Mick Jagger? Ian McKellen? Waitaminute... why isn't Stalin here?!

The world around me crashed down into tiny pieces as I realised finally that I'm not like anyone else. I'm 19, and yet I don't like JLS more than Slash, I don't agree that Glee is a good thing and I certainly don't want to watch a film where the main character is played by Daniel Radcliff. And that's when I learnt the horrible truth about myself. That I'm an old person trapped in a tubby young person's body. I'm grumpy, I reminisce about the "good ol' days" which I didn't even experience and I'm living in my own personal nightmare where my favourite song from this year was by Kylie.

And I will moan about it. I will moan about how people watch the Hills and yet NOBODY watches the Office or Flight of the Conchords. I'll complain that people read Hello magazine but have never picked up the Hobbit or even tried the Watchmen. But I guess these things will never change. They will just continue to scare and alienate me until I sit on a porch and shout things at passers-by until I become the talk of the town and the laughing stock of the local schools. They'll make jokes about how I'm probably a sexual deviant in secret, or how I am definately a criminal. And I'll just continue to rant my way into insanity and think "It all began with that blog."

And to cheer ourselves all up a bit, here's a link to my pictures:

http://mike-is-a-hero.tumblr.com/