Blog 85: Lazy News

I nearly laughed out loud at my work experience today when I saw a picture on the BBC news website (other websites are also available.) There's a picture of Nick Robinson, nobody particularly famous when you hear the name but if you're british then you'll know his face. He's the news reporter with a lazy eye.

CALM DOWN, I'm not laughing at the wannabe disabled (honestly, that's a joke, I promise) BUT what I found funny was that the picture was a cartoon of him, but the cartoon still has the lazy eye! I thought it was WELL hillarious.

Here's the pic:

Blog 84: Stalker Surprise

I've just realised something. Basically like 50% of my blog posts (ok, that's a massive hyperbole) are about stalkers creeping me out. I've been moaning about them all this time so much that I didn't stop to think of all the advantages. Well. The advantage. Because I love it when I get new followers to my blog, which happens never, by the way, and I'd love it even more if I thought people might READ this! But of course that doesn't happen much. However, if i'd told them stalkers about this blog then I'd have at least 2 REALLY keen followers! And that's pretty good I guess... then again the funny posts about stalkers wouldn't be up here 'cos that'd be rude.

It's a no win situation. But if you do read this (which you won't) then why not tell at least one other person about the "magic". By the time they find out that it's rubbish it'll be too late 'cos they'd have already visited, and it's not SO bad that they'd go to the extent of deleting it from their history...is it?

Blog 83: David CaMoron

Last night I went for a tasty dinner with some familial characters and we went for a fairly posh italian at one of these chain stores that make ok italian food and sell it for far too much. I won't name it.

Actually, I will, it's Prezzo's and it's far too expensive and nothing special, and their portions of calamari are like, 5 li'l squids and that's about it... Their slogan should be "5 squid for 5 quid!"

The bit I wanted to moan about was how their was a baby doing a massive poo and wee all over the lawn, with the parents cleaning it, RIGHT ON THE FRONT LAWN OF THE RESTAURANT! Where people were eating!? And there was just a dirty baby with their family waving wads of pooey wipes everywhere and a load of wee shooting all over the lawn with people trying to eat? I mean, WHAT THE HELL?! I don't even know what to say, it's just so horrifically annoying that these people are arrogant enough to think "Oh my baby's really cute I'll just let it shit all over the place and everyone will keep chewing down spaghetti like it's normal."

David Cameron's only been in power a few weeks and already there's babies shitting all over the place.

On the plus side, I'm watching "Timmy Time" on Ceebeebies, which is a spin off of Wallace and Gromit with like a mini-baby version of Shaun the Sheep, and apart from the owls having pies for faces, it's the most heart warming cartoon I've ever seen. They all hold hands at the beginning and go for a walk in the park with a pelican teacher! And jump a lot! Now if only I could go for a poo all over the Ritz' lobby carpet it'd be like I was young again...

Blog 82: Designy-Whiney

I used to have a blog for my design work with blogger, but I then found that Tumblr was easier for design blogs, and so have since moved to another blog place for my art. BUT don't panic, because I'll still be here.

HOWEVER, definately check out my Tumblr page, the address is:

http://mike-is-a-hero.tumblr.com/

Keep an eye out for some special designs coming soon, the first which will probably be up today. To practice using Adobe InDesign, I've started taking some "classic" blogs, or my particular favourites, and putting them in swanky designs, and so soon you will be able to see all your favourite blogs, but GROOVED UP! Exciting, isn't it?

The first up will be "Foreign Safety Standards", keep an eye on my Tumblr for it any time soon

x

Blog 81: Big Daddy

I was on the train to London yesterday and was doing some people watching, as you do when bored, and I was keenly watching this horribly fat man because he annoyed me. And he annoyed me not because his hair cut was really stupid, nor because he had the shortest shorts on despite his big pale flabby legs.

No, what REALLY annoyed me was that he was a father of two children, who were sat, relatively well behaved in fairness, but nonetheless BORED out of their MINDS. Now, it's bad enough the dad didn't entertain them, but understandable because he might be fed up, but when the fatty isn't paying attention to his kids because he's too engrossed in his own little Nintendo DS, that's ridiculous. His children are all sitting there bored, staring out the window dreaming of fun, and he's sat there having a whale of a time on his little Gameboy thing going mental.

It really annoyed me.

Blog 80: Shocking

Well there's another rubbish performance by the England game. Maybe now people will realise that you need more to win a football match than just one pretty decent striker (Wayne Rooney has gone about 10 hours in footy now without scoring, by the way) and also you need more than it happening to be Fabio's birthday.

Some awful interviews were going on all over the tele today. One woman asked Fabio if he'd ever heard the song "When I'm 64". He hadn't. She quoted the bit about a bottle of wine and handed him one, he was chuffed, except he doesn't drink wine (nice one). OH and just because the Beatles were English, doesn't mean we'll win football.

England can't seem to score goals, except Robert Green, but of course, that was the wrong goal.

Moreover, Emile Heskey is awful. The finest moment of England's World Cup 2010 was when he was substituted off.

I find it ironic that today marks the 70th anniversary of Winston Churchill's speech to Parliament in 1940 in which he said:

"Here is where we come to the Navy--and after all, we have a Navy. Some people seem to forget that we have a Navy. We must remind them..."

A rather more fitting quote, however, might be perhaps this:

"We shall fight them on the beaches"

We will fight them on the beaches. Our beaches. Because England are coming home.

Blog 79: Charity Work

This is a blog which I hope will relate to people who also wish their lives was more like a Hollywood Rom-Com.

Recently, I've been helping my grandparents move house, and whilst taking books to the charity shop, I noticed that bizarrely, not all the workers in the charity shop were middle aged to elderly women, but in fact ONE of them was amazing and gorgeous and beautiful and young.

BUT of course, we live in the real world. I'm not Brad Pitt or George Clooney, I can't merely wink or smirk and wait for her to fall in love with me straight away, and I certainly can't somehow spill acid in her eyes and then assure her I'm massively sexy. These things don't work.

So basically there's nothing I can do. She will forever be just a girl in a charity shop who I saw once and then never saw again, escaping into the mists of time and just another person I saw once. Like everyone else.

People say "OH just go in and strike conversation". WELL I'M NOT JAMES FREAKING BOND.

"Just be yourself!" WELL THAT WON'T WORK, it never does. "Volunteer at the Charity Shop" ...this was my idea, actually, but even so, I'm not a stalker...yet...

Maybe I'll leave a link to this blog on her desk and hope she realises how funny I am, and maybe how single I am because of the 79 Blog Posts I've done when I could've been snogging.