Blog 26: Long Road to 50

This rant is all about obesity and exercise.

The government is planning on putting a tax on chocolate. My loyal followers, numbering 11, will all shout "OH NO YOU'VE RANTED ABOUT THIS BEFORE" and yes I have, it's true (Blog 17 if you're interested. 

BUT it wasn't until last Thursday that I realised the TRUE reason behind this problem.

The Government is talking about taxing chocolate, and television is junk food ad free, but last Thursday in my hour PE lesson, I did 8 minutes exercise. That meant I was sitting there or getting changed for the other 52 minutes. 

I think I've found the REAL problem. 

The PE staff at my school are incredibly disorganised. If there is one staff member missing, we all get sent home instead of PE. 

Once, my class got changed, ran outside, got a ball out and two goals and started playing football, and a PE teacher came out and told us that we had to go home; there isn't enough staff. We asked if we could play football by ourselves, and the answer was no. Our hour of exercise went out the window, and instead we walked home.

More recently they have decided to split us into 3 groups for 3 different sports, rather than many more groups which would end up with teacher "lackage". They choose rounders, which girls own boys at in our school, tennis, for which we have 3 courts, and basketball, another three courts.

I chose basketball, and they play a tournament every week, of 4 minute matches, and full size court which means there is one court at a time.

Last week, not only am I already playing tiny 4 minute matches, but they decided to give us a talk about the new school gym, and how much membership would cost (even though we helped pay for it in the first place.)

Now, I don't go to the gym, but if I did, I would be put off by the fact that it costs more than the actual gym in our town. The school prides itself over its better machinery, but, a running machine is a running machine, (and I can do that outside). SO i wasted my entire hour listening to a load of useless crap, EXCEPT of course for the 8 minutes of exercise I had. 

My heart rate raised itself more just typing this. 

Blog 25: SPECIAL 25TH BLOG!!!!

It's time for a miniature celebration as I reach my 25th Blog! I know it's not 50 or 100, but...well it's 25! 

To celebrate I have some more letters. This is the extent of my wrongdoings at primary school. But it is a tale I love to tell and it is done in a way I've never done before; through the letters of my old headmistress.

Here we go!

9 February 2000

Dear Mr & Mrs Pasquale

I am afraid that Michael has had his name entered in the behaviour book for the third time and as a result has been given a yellow report card.

This card has to be signed by me at the end of each day and this may mean that he will be a few minutes later coming out of school.

He must achieve five consecutive days of good reports before the card will be withdrawn. In the meantime I am afraid that he is not entitled to stay for any after school clubs to which he may belong.

If you would like to know the reasons for the entries in the behaviour book I will be happy to talk to you about them.

Yours sincerely

(Headmistress)

I don't remember why I got in the "Black Book" as we called it.

I remember I once got in there for drawing a snowman with a speech bubble coming from its bottom reading "fart", although wether this was the same year and therefore one of the three entries, I can't remember.

Anyway, I was worried. My parents would KILL me if they found out about this, I thought, so I did the clever thing.

I didn't show it to them and lived out my sentence without them knowing.

I got away with it for a while.

The closest shave was when my mum came into school on National Reading Day or something and saw me outside the Headmistress' office, but I quickly tucked the yellow card behind my back and said I was there for a "Well Done" sticker, the highest reward.

I did my time, and everything went back to normal, until parent's evening, which went a little something like this.

Teacher: "Hello Mr Pasquale, Mrs Pasquale. Hi, Michael. 

Take a seat, please.

Now, as you well know, Michael has been on a yellow report card this term-"

Mum: "WHAT?"

Mike: (Oh crap)

SO I got found out in the end.

And consequently another letter got sent out.

17 February 2000 (That's a whole 8 days I got away with it for!)

Dear Mr & Mrs Pasquale,

I was concerned to hear from Mrs B last night that you were not aware that Michael was on a yellow card.

When a child is put on a card I write a letter to the parents informing them and giving them the opportunity to discuss the matter with me. I have questioned Michael this morning regarding the letter that I wrote on the 9 February and he has admitted (note she only found it 'cos I told her) that he hid it behind a bookcase in the library (HA! Vive la revolution!) We have retrieved it and I am enclosing it with this letter.

He should have come off his card today but in view of what has happened I feel he should stay on it for another week. I think Mrs B probably explained why he was on it in the first place but if you still want to discuss the matter with me I am happy to arrange a time convenient to us both.

Yours sincerely

(Headmistress)

AND THAT is the saga of the yellow report card. It's one of my favorite adventures.

Blog 24: Some more from little Me

Lets see some more from the little book of secrets, shall we?

This is the saga of my worst enemy.

Funny thing is I didn't even remember I didn't like her until I read this.

I laughed.

Friday 18th Feb 2000

I don't like sitting next to Tanie because she fidgets and leans all over me. She also rocks on her chair. She fusses and we're always the last table. She's always chatting with Christina. Can you move her please.

(No date)

Tanie still fidgets and I'm getting bored. Please let me sit somewhere else? Can I?

(Teacher: NO)

(No date)

Please PLEASE let me sit somewhere NOT next to Tanie.

(Teacher: NO!)

(No date)

Let me sit somewhere else, NOT next to Tanie and if you don't my mums coming in for a chat (OOO) So let me sit next to ANYONE but Tanie. I don't mind sitting next to ANY girl or ANY boy as long a its not TANIE or SAM or MICHAEL C or LAURA (Haha)

(No date)

LOOK ON THE BACK AND LET ME MOVE!

By the way, if you are Tanie, or even Sam, Michael C or Laura, then I am sorry for being a git when I was small.

Blog 23: Secrets...

In primary school we were made to write a book of secret messages to our teachers so they could help us, I guess, but at that age I never had any REAL issues. I've found the diary, and it makes for fun reading, especially some of the teacher comments.

Entry 1, Friday 7th January 2000

Problems: MC, DJ, WJ, JO are all spoiling story time (damn them) 

I don't want to sit with girls (Good plan, that's where swine flu comes from)

I want to be in Italy team. (I'm Italian)

Rachel does not know manchester is a town. She thinks its a country. She also copies me.

Teacher: We will try and sort you out but I'm sorry, you're in Spain!

12 January 1999 (odd date order, but that's what it says)

Daniel is spoiling our table and we're fed up.

Teacher: Try not to complain about other children, think of all the good things they bring to the class.

(No Date)

Loads of people are blaming ME! (school and home)

Teacher: Tell me more - we'll try and make you happier.

Me: Why?

Teacher: Because I don't like people being unhappy. (You wouldn't like my boss, he loves making people unhappy)

This next one makes me laugh.

Friday 4th February

I got told off yesterday for annoying girls but I did NOT.

Teacher: Is this what you were all cross about, yesterday. (incorrect grammar) I think somehow we've got to sort you all out none of you seem very happy with each other.

This basically means, translated out of PC teacher talk, "You're really grumpy for no obvious reason. You need to stop it because EVERYONE HATES YOU." 

I don't blame them I was a right little twerp.

More to follow.

Blog 22: A New Angle?

Most of my blog posts have been rants. SO when my mum decided to drag out a lot of my old stuff from when I was at primary school, I thought I'd write some happy posts every once in a while to uplift the mood, and I thought I'd start with a letter from my headmaster.

15 July 1999

Dear Mr & Mrs Pasquale,
I am writing to you on behalf of (Better blank out the name in case it gets illegal or something) School concerning an incident I dealt with yesterday.

As you may well know I do tend to look upon minor pranks and misdeeds as "boys will be boys" (what if they're pranks done by girls) and tend to deal with them as I believe most parents would. However, even I feel that a serious incident such as happened yesterday cannot be overlooked and needs to be brought to your attention.

Your son Michael (That's Me!) was involved in an act of vandalism against property. Fortunately for our school I do not think (and hope) that (Church X) staff are aware of what happened. If the Reverend B had become aware of the incident I feel that he would be within his rights to withdraw permission for us to use the church in the future. At this time (Miss R) was unaware of the extent of the vandalism - had she and (Mrs H) realised the damage that has been done it would have ruined their evening and deeply saddened them. 

I will leave you to talk to your son about the incident and have him write a letter of apology to (Miss R). We as a school will write a letter of apology to the (Reverend B)

I would like to say that the children were all very honest about the incident, which really pleased me.

If you feel that you would like to come and talk to me privately about the incident please do call in.

Yours sincerely 

(Mrs C)

...

What did I do?

Well, me and some other guys wet some toilet paper and threw it on the ceiling so it got stuck up there.

We're off the freakin' chain.