It's always good to try and share wisdom and advice with our fellow people, helping them to live their lives as best they can. But sometimes people will try and teach you rubbish and disguise it up all nice as a harmless tale. People like Aesop. Sure, his fables are nice little fables with animals that can talk, and everyone loves animals that can talk. That's why you'll feel sad inside if I mention 'Babe' and 'bacon' in the same sentence. But surprise surprise, the animals in these fables often say stupid things, because they're stupid animals! Humans are meant to be cleverer than animals so I'm not sure listening to wisdom demonstrated by talking animals is a good idea.
By the way, does anyone even know who this Aesop guy is? And how does he know so much about the animal kingdom anyway? Far as I know they didn't have David Attenborough documentaries when he was around fabling.
Anyway, let's see if we can learn something.
Number 1: The Town Mouse and the Country Mouse...
Once upon a time a Town Mouse went to visit his cousin Country Mouse in the countryside. Country Mouse was rough and ready, but he loved his cousin and made him a nice meal to welcome him. They ate beans and bacon, cheese and bread - it was all he had but he let the Town Mouse have as much as he liked.
Town Mouse was a right little snob so he lifted up his long mouse nose at the food. "I don't get how you can put up with all this yob's food. Beans? BEANS? How can you eat this stuff everyday? I suppose you can't get anything better than this in the country. Tell you what, come with me, stay in town for a bit and I'll show you what you're missing. Then you'll never know how you could have put up with this grim country living." I imagine he said this in a cockney accent.
So they set off and went to Town Mouse's house. They were hungry, so Town Mouse took him into the dining room and there was a huge feast set out for them, with lots of cake and ale. They ate loads and it was all nice food. Suddenly they heard a terrifying noise, growling and barking from outside.
Country Mouse leapt out of his skin. "What on earth is that?" he yelled, in a West Country accent.
"Ah dan't warry 'bou' that mate, it's only the dogs o' the 'ouse" said Town Mouse.
"ONLY the dogs? ONLY the terrifying massive dogs? Pfft. I don't like that kinda music at my dinner."
Just then the door flung open and two huge dogs came bounding in. The mice scamper off and hide.
"See you later, cuz," said the Country Mouse.
"Where are you going?" said the Town Mouse.
"Home," said the country mouse. "Better beans and bacon in peace than cakes and ale in fear".
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? When is that advice useful? When? When's the last time you had a choice of eating nice food but being terrified the whole time or eating rubbish food? Say I take a girl for dinner (you were happy to accept mice can talk so I'm sure you can stretch your imagination here) imagine I'm taking a girl for dinner this weekend and I'm deciding where to go. I want to impress her, obviously, so I want to choose somewhere nice. That's not an actual choice I face. I don't go through various menus and say well, there's this wonderful 5 star restaurant with a gourmet superstar chef and fine wines, BUT you do have to play Russian Roulette as you eat so you're constantly being shouted at in foreign languages while being forced to hold a revolver to your head and shoot it at your temple. OR there's Maccy D's. Not the finest food, but at least it's safe. Well, better to eat Maccy D's in peace than fine 5 star food with a man holding a revolver to your face! When's that ever been an issue?
You should these Calamari dear, they're just divine!
Also, I'm not a mouse, I'm a massive human being. I'm not scared of dogs. Secondly, there's dogs in the country side too? And also foxes and badgers? And birds of prey, horses, cows, pigs, sheep, crows. It's literally a horrifying, terrifying place to be a mouse. Also, bacon is the best food ever, it definitely beats cake. Also, mice can't open a can of beans even if there's a ring pull, and they can't cook bacon. If you're trying to teach me some wisdom, Aesop, then at least do the research. You're embarrassing yourself.
And don't you roll your eyes at me.
So there's some wisdom for you from good ol' mister Aesop. Hope it helps you live your life. I'll probably do some more of these in the future. The moral of this story is, make sure you don't fall into the trap of being on your own with your computer too often, because you'll waste your time reading fables and writing blog posts about them.
If any single ladies are reading this and want to go for dinner this weekend, let me know. I know this lovely little place where the profiteroles are just to die for.
If any single ladies are reading this and want to go for dinner this weekend, let me know. I know this lovely little place where the profiteroles are just to die for.
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