Blog 147: Need That Like A Hole In The Floor

Some of you in the UK might have read about a sink hole that just appeared in the city of St Albans recently, and it's hit me quite close to home. Literally, because I live down the road from St Albans.

It's mad - there's a street in St Albans where one day, for whatever sciencey reason, a ginormous hole just appeared in the floor. It's terrifying!

It only just missed someone's house as well. A little bit to the left and it could've swallowed up their living room. And it made me realise that NOBODY IS SAFE!

We're constantly worrying about our safety and just to add to it, now we know it's possible, in southern England, for giant holes to open up and swallow us into the floor. What if one appears under my house? Then what?

What if one just appears under my car when I'm driving? Huh? What'll happen then, huh? What if it appears under the England Rugby team on their way to the World Cup Final, then what, huh? We forfeit and the Welsh win? Again? The horror.

Even in the hard times, I'll always be there for my guys.

What if just as I ask out a woman, and by the way she's beautiful; big, shining eyes like a tiger's, hair that floats in the wind like a lava lamp, skin as soft as Andrex 'Quilts'. As I ask her to dinner, she bats her eyes and she says something like 'Michael, I've been waiting all my life for a man like you to ask me a question like that,' and she purses her soft, pink lips and leans in, and as I step closer the wind picks up like a scene from Pocahontas, the world around us blurs and darkens because this is it, this is really happening...AND THEN THE FLOOR OPENS UP AND A SINK HOLE SWALLOWS UP MY NEW GIRLFRIEND? WHAT THEN?!

And in the hard times, they're always there for me.

Something has to be done. There's lots of political talk at the moment with rumours flying around about David Cameron and a...a porcine ex of his (I'm sure it's not true but I bet when that story came out he wished the ground would open and swallow him up)...Jeremy Corbyn delivering speeches to hen parties on trains, and obviously a lot of controversy about immigration that really shouldn't be brought up on silly and ill researched blogs like mine...but I want to know, what's going to be done about these bloody sinkholes that swallowed up my girlfriend?! By the way ladies, I'm single.