Blog 16: Teacher Creature

I was much annoyed recently by my art teacher telling me that unless I understand how to draw a realistic human skeleton structure, I am not able to draw angels and demons.

...

When was the last freakin' time she saw an angel/demon, dissected it and removed the skeleton succesfully without it breaking, and did the exact same to a human, and then compared them to realise that angel skeletons are exactly the same as that of a human...

I was also told a doodle of the Hulk wasn't realistic enough...perhaps 'cos it was unnaturally large and also of a green colouring...(?)

IT'S A FREAKING SCIENCE FICTION CHARACTER, HE'S NOT GOING TO ABIDE BY THE CONVENTIONS OF AN AVERAGE HUMAN SKELETON!!!!

Much annoyed.

FURTHERMORE, when looking up on some artists that they had recommended I look at, I found this picture, on the left.

So apparently, essentially a big green human is less realistic than little babies with big heads and goggle eyes being fired like bullets from a gun is a perfectly acceptable and realistic concept in modern day life, and I should snap back to reality, get with the times, and start drawing observationally like a proper artist...

I'd like to add that whereas a teacher earns, say £25,000 to £30,000 a year, whereas Frank Miller's Sin City as a film made $158,753,820 in revenue (at a cost of $40,000,00): that's just one of his projects. Think about how much money his entire life's work made for him, and then come and tell me I'm wasting my time, learn to stick pictures from google on a page and paint coffee on them.

Chew on that, teacher creatures.

Blog 15: The End?

This may be my shortest and least ranting blog EVER!

I got a new phone and a new number, so the silly italian stalker can't text me now. HAHAHA!
Victory tastes so sweet.

Blog 14: Part 2 of Terror Mail

Skip the intro: if you have no idea what this is about, read blog 12 and 13, and then you will.

THE SECOND LETTER to fall through my letterbox was similar in length. It was a reply. Naive and Ignorant as I was, I replied to the first letter (although didn't answer some queries like "my favourite animal or colours of my flowers) and in due course received a second.
Let's read some shall we?

"Don't worry for late letter. (I remember at first I couldn't be bothered to reply until my Dad made me) You successful exams?...Very happy for to the passion for graphic. We are graphic, fantastic. (Hang on; just 'cos your name is Tits Von Titbank doesn't mean we are graphic!)
Where do you go on holiday? I go to the sea and mountains (and roam in the wilderness with my monkey friends and eat raw fish and prawns on wood) is very beautiful.
What your favourite food in Harpenden? (so you do know the name of the town, you just address it as Harpender for kicks) Do you like peugcent (I can't make out the word) Parlami un po di te (meaning tell me a little about yourself...no thanks)
Do you like horror film? (Why, are you the next serial killer?) What are you going to wear? (?) What you like to wear?"

She then repeats herself about what she likes to wear, see first letter in Blog 13.

"Whats your favourite dog? (?) My favourtie dog is Saturdog (Oh...you mean DAY)."

Now, I said earlier that in my first (and only) reply I decided not to answer the question about animals, or colours, assuming she was just practicing english, and she won't be THAT bothered if I didn't tell her, because it's just not what us grown ups talk about. (It's a leopard and it's green)
So, she then writes;

"Whats the favourite animal?
Whats the favourite colour?
I think che sei (that you are) very nice (...)
Puoi (Can you) spend one you foto? thanks."

DON'T WORRY I DID NOT SEND HER A PHOTO.
This letter and some wierd texts that I have mentioned in Blog 12 led me to believe the woman was crazy, and therefore to stop writing.

And then came one of the most worrying letters ever.


"Hello!
Why you haven't to asked sms and call? What's successful?
S hope che you haven't successful (?)
You writting immediately, I am very very worry (it took me ages to figure out it says worry. It looks like wong, wony, wany, but not worry) for you!
I write very little because I don't know come mai (why you haven't) you haven't writting.
P.S. you letter didn't arrive my home, you l'hai writting a me?"

The letter fortunately wasn't written in her own feces, but I expect the next one will be.

Blog 13: A Follow Up

I was rifling through my stuff, clearing out my room of all the crap like my history coursework, girl's numbers, you know, all the rubbish that I don't need...
and I came across 3 letters, addressed to me, with the tell-tale Italian stamps that could only mean it was the letters of the stalker...(you might need to read blog 12)
I remember keeping onto them so that if I ever needed to sue or something it could be evidence...
ANYHOO, I thought I'd type up some extracts just so you can really experience the mental.
One thing I found funny was my address on the front. "Harpender" is not a place, and she must have realised this after a while, so she changed it to "Harpende". I laughed.
Anyhoo, let's take a little look shall we? I shall comment in brackets.

"Hello!
My name is _________ nickname is titti (?).,(nice punctuation there tits mcgee) I'm 17 yeoars old and you? my favourite band is Somohe is very beautiful. (?)
My favourite colour (you're 17?) is red and pink (that's two). I haven't brother and sister.
My date of birthday is ____ and you? (again with the and you?) I live is _________is very beautiful. I sono (ok, just shove some italian in there. Is it that hard to write "am"?) height 1,63. My colour hair is short brown...I sono very thin, and you? (no comment)
I like wearing: trousers, T-shirt, boots, belt, con (your guess is as good as mine).
I didn't like jeans. (?)
What's the weather like in London (well I live in Harpender so I clearly don't know at this point. Why don't you google it, like I'd have to?)"

This goes on. I've written half a sheet of A5 in her handwriting here. The letter is 1 and 3/4 sheets.

Some other funny things asked of me are;
"What favourite animals? My favourite animals is: dog, robbit, kangaroon, cat, koala, bird. I have two goldfish. And you have animals?"
"You have a nintendo DS?"

Other things I learnt were "My house is very big with garden rich flowers colours: red, yellow, purple."

That was the FIRST of 3 letters, and many texts.

The second and third letter will feature later....WATCH THIS SPACE. Right now I'm off to watch a film...