Blog 90: 10

YES. It's the 90th blog. And that means a sexy sexy countdown to the 100th episode. I feel I want to do something special, and so I will start my super music-style chart of the top 10 most annoying things that happen, (although obviously excluding things I've already mentioned in previous blog posts.) And then at the end of each I'll include directions to one of my 10 faves in my blog archive so we can relive the magic.

So, the 10th most annoying thing for me at this moment has GOT to be the film Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging. NOW people might judge and say "you didn't watch it all, so you can't judge." WELL I CAN JUDGE, BECAUSE IT IS OBJECTIVELY AWFUL. Nobody in their right mind would want to watch people dribbling as they kiss, or girls feebly trying to re-enact Mighty Boosh or Inbetweener style moments in a desperate attempt to try and be funny. Seems to me there are too many scriptwriters around thinking they're really funny but they aren't, so here are my top tips to being funny for any comedy scriptwriters out there!

1) If you're not funny, don't write a script.

2) If you're funny but write a script and read it and it's not that funny, don't publish it, ever.

3) If you do the above several times, give up on your job and work in something you're good at.

These rules, although written for scriptwriters, can apply for other jobs too, in this way.

For example, some advice for doctors.

1) If you aren't a qualified doctor, don't do heart surgery.

2) If you are a doctor, and you do heart surgery and it goes wrong, don't show it off as if you're proud.

3) If you do the above several times, then maybe don't do heart surgeries anymore.

Other examples include:

1) If you aren't the Prime Minister, don't make deals with the USA on behalf of Great Britain.

2) If you aren't a woman, don't have a period.

3) If you are an extinct species, don't come back (that means you, dinosaurs)

So in conclusion, DON'T WRITE FUDGING RUBBISH SCRIPTS. If I have to watch another awful film like Angus, Thongs and Perfect Sh*t again then I will scream and run all over your driveways with tennis racket shoes made from your own skin.

AND my special recommendation of my archives would have to be good ol' Blog 12, the very beginning of the story when I was stalked on an international scale. Definitely worth checking out, even if it's me saying it.

Stand by for number 91 and the 9th most annoying thing. I don't know when it'll come because I haven't got any specific ideas of what I could write about yet...