Blog 91: 9

At number 9 on my 10 most annoying things which I haven't mentioned already is the North/South divide in England, and how, most of the time, the North gets the friendlier people.
I say most of the time, because I've had bad experiences both up north and "daaan saaaf" but generally speaking all the twats live in the bottom of England.
I have a theory for this. Twats are heavier than nice people. This is because nice people are made of candy floss and bubbles and Twats are made from horrible insects and nasty looking stones. So all the twats have sunk towards the bottom of the world and all the nice people sort of floated upwards.
Now I know what people are thinking. How come some people are nice down south and nasty up north? Well some people get stuck against hills etc. This is why there's a lot of scary people in Scotland. It's hilly and so people get snagged on ledges and stay up north (and yes, it's just north England really) Now the real issue is why are the people in Liverpool like they are, there's no real hills there. Well that's true, but Liverpool people are full of noxious gas, so they DO float, but aren't filled with bubbles.
Of course, it's a shame the nice people get lumped with all the mines instead of all the cool urban cities and wonderful seaside but in a way, I'd rather be in rainy Leeds than stabby London.
As for me, I am filled with gorgeous gems and diamonds so have sunk to the bottom of the pile down by London, which is unlucky for me. But using my extreme strength I have climbed higher and higher to the top of England where I can be among the nice people.
Having said that, I still meet the ones who are snagged, like the bus driver who wouldn't for some reason follow his route. I asked him if he was going past Hyde Park Inn and he said no, and I said well on the timetable it says you are. He told me (extremely rudely) he'd said no because he meant no, so I bought the ticket and suggested someone have another look at the timetable then because it's very wrong. And then sat down, and on the other end thanked him for his wonderful service. This is a perfect example of someone who is snagged in the wrong niceness zone.
Anyway, what can we learn from this?
1) Don't go to Liverpool
2) If you are nice, try and climb northwards.
3) If you are nasty, go down to the horrible south.
4) I'd hate to go to France.