Blog 54: Die-light

Everyone makes mistakes. Some people get carried away in the moment and next thing you know, they have a baby. Some people push someone over and accidentally cause that person to die. However, I made the mistake of all mistakes. I watched Twilight.

NOW as a film, twilight isn't that bad. There was just one thing which annoyed me about the film. And that is, that twilight is a really really bad film.

The director made some classic errors. The first mistake was agreeing to make the film. The second mistake was relying on technology used in 1970s spiderman movies to portray how good Edward is at climbing trees. The third was deciding to choose really bad actors to play characters such as Bella, and everyone else in the film.

I mean, Bella was rubbish. Other than the fact that she seems to be constantly having an orgasm somehow against her will, she is the most annoying person I have ever not-met but seen on a film. Surely someone who went to acting school knows about what emotion is, but for some reason she doesn't seem to get it. More annoyingly is how every girl's fantasy guy keeps making moves on her, and she just sits there being constantly on her period and being all moody. The best bit of the film was when she got her leg broke, and even that was ruined cos she was in it.

What was really the disease ridden cherry which was vomited back up on the 5 year old cake was when my friend's flat mates returned, they decided they wanted to watch Twilight. So yes, I watched Twilight twice in a row. I don't even do that with good films, so by the end of two twilight sessions, I literally just wanted to die.

In the emotionless, android-like, monotonous words of Bella herself (sort of), "I'd never given much though to how I would die. But dying instead of watching twilight seems like a good way to go."

Blog 11: An Imposter Extremist!

You may notice that I have no blog 11 on my blog. This was because I removed it to prevent the victim of the rant from finding it, as I am clearly a two-faced git.
However, I saved it on my computer with the intention of republishing it once I arrived at Uni and no longer knew the victim.
Well, cleverly, my computer wiped it, so although this may appear to be the same, it is merely an imposter.
Here we go...
God creates the Earth in 6 days, rests on the 7th. God creates man and woman and gives them free will.
This bit is important.
Man USES free will!!! (gasp)
Now some Christians think that they, as a superior in holiness levels (because of some bizarre notion in there minds that they are after all higher than God AND the Pope) have the right to rid us of this free will.
Don't get me wrong, I am a Christian, and I have nothing against my own religion. I'm against extreme Christians who give the rest of us Christians a bad name. When extremist Christians come to you telling you you can't watch a film due to the sex scene it gets ridiculous.
The other day I was watching Watchmen with friends and for those who have seen it, it has a pretty dodgy sex scene in it. It's an amazing film, stylistically made, good acting by actors essentially unseen elsewhere. The next day I ask Mister Higher-than-the-Pope himself if he enjoyed what he'd seen of said film, and was surprised when he said "No, I didn't need to see all that nudity really." It still didn't click with me that he'd stormed out in the nudity scene, until break time when he came and told me that as Christians we shouldn't be watching that sort of thing because it doesn't teach good morals.
IT'S A FILM!
IT'S NOT REAL!
He says that he doesn't like sex scenes if they aren't done tastefully.
However, after my initial annoyance (which lasted 3 months) i took pleasure in the fact that Sin City is the film adaptation of his favourite graphic novel and also has dodgy sex scenes in it, he would say. I told him Sin City is really good except the sex scene and he said "yeah I don't really want to see it though."

Whatever.

What's really wierd is that one of his favourite films is Sweeney Todd, as if throat slashing is ok but sex isn't.
But its not the only thing he's ever done to annoy me.
He told me off for listening to the Rolling Stones.
He sent my self conscious and unconfident (but wonderful) friend a letter asking why she doesn't treat him like she treats me, and that me and her are closer than he and her, and why is this? (Hrmmmm, probably because she doesn't want to be treated like a cat, so stop petting her and see how that goes) This was followed by a phone call which made her feel pressurized into promising she'll change.
He hugs and pets this girl and tells her he imagines her napping even though they don't really get on and she is CLEARLY uncomfortable with it all.
AND other stuff as well.
Anyhoo, I'll post this up when I no longer know the guy, but I get the feeling he'd know who he is if he ever read this.
SO Yeh, i'm two faced and I'm bitchin' now, but if he is reading this then maybe he'll take a hint...
Or more than a hint as it turns out.

Blog 18: Social Butterfly, or Wasp?

I have a saturday job, which I have ranted in relation to before, and you may have read all about my unencouraging boss. You may even remember the intellectual comment from Mr. Li, my medical sidekick, about how he agreed.
Well this is sort of a follow up rant about that very same boss.

I'm quite a talkative guy, as you may have been able to tell from the endless chatter on this blog, and this gets me into trouble at times at work, as I chat more than work sometimes. However, it has become somewhat exaggerated by the bosses.

3 or 4 times in a year I have been told to not chat...I think that's pretty good...
However, apparently, this is too much, and it has become apparent to my boss that I am something of a troublemaker.

So now he thinks I'm behind everything...and I'm unfairly treated as a result. For example, I now frequently put eggs out (they're on a different aisle) so I am seperated from others. Similarly I have to put fish out whilst the boss is upstairs in the morning, and whilst everyone else is the other end of the aisle, again being seperated.
Moreover, twice I have been told off for being, like 3 or 4 minutes late to work even though I have a colleague who was an HOUR AND A HALF late and got off scot free 'cos she apologised. I even worked ten minutes after my usual finish time to make up for it...yet its not good enough...
The other instance was when my colleague went up for lunch (we have an hour) and then I went up a couple of minutes later...
I came down 1h3mins later, and he came 2 minutes after that...guess who gets told off?

The other day we were all restacking a cage, which for some reason my colleague decided to set up a rather impressive conveyor belt system, only with people, and when my boss' boss saw us, he told our boss, and guess who got told off? Me. As if I was in charge, or the ringleader, when the reality is I was manipulated into it.

I can't quite put my finger on the reason for his judgement. Maybe it's my long hair, or my reluctance to shave for work, or perhaps the Che Guevara wrist band I occasionally wear.

I only wear it because it has nice colours.