Blog 133: Snow Friend of Mine

Oh my word, I cannot believe I haven't blogged about this yet. Some of you may notice I used to blog a lot more than I do more recently. Maybe that's because I'm out of those awkward teenage years where I was terrified of talking to girls, or well, anyone, and how everything I said had to be carefully thought out for several days or weeks before...maybe years. There's girls out there who will testify to that. Or maybe it's because, oh I don't know, I've got a job and all of a sudden my life isn't a doss anymore, and any spare time I get I don't want to be sat at a computer moaning but in my bed or in the cinema or in the pub.

But genuinely, and here's a nice thought, I just think I'm a happier person. I think less things genuinely wind me up anymore. I still moan and rant around friends, but I'm usually joking and it's more because I like moaning rather than from genuine annoyance. To be honest, there's not many things that go on anymore that I wake up to and make me genuinely really annoyed.

But there is one thing.
And that's snow.

Snow is like one of those people who are absolutely brilliant when you first get to know them; they're interesting, they're different, they're exciting, fun, maybe even romantically intriguing. And I'd be the first to admit that a few years ago I used to love snow. Waking up to see snow lying there was always a great and magical moment. Snow was beautiful, snow was worth staying at home for. All I wanted to do was spend time with snow (I'm deliberately trying to dodge innuendo here - it'd be too easy to talk about how great it is to play with the snow or spend time in the snow or even make a snow man but I'd rather convey a purer love for the magic white powder). Of course, indirectly - snow meant no school, which was great, but even snow just in itself was something I truly loved.

But then the last few years, snow has become far too familiar. I'd wake up and there was snow. Snow which got in the way of work, of seeing other friends, of going out to places other than my house. Snow which meant things like jogging and going to the cinema were things that became far too irregular for my liking (ok, maybe not jogging). It began to affect my social life, my work life, and my enjoyment of all life. And that's when I realised I'd falled out of love with snow.

But now it won't go away. I'm waking up in March to find it's snowing like a maniac outside. To carry on the analogy it's like having a stalker, and then moving to Turkey to escape the stalker only to wake up one morning in Turkey and there's the stalker dancing naked like a maniac outside your window. And it's just not fun anymore.

Truth is I got fed up a couple of years ago when we had 4 snow days in one week. Day one, brilliant, went mad in the snow. Day 2, ok, played in the snow a bit then went inside. Day 3 and 4, just spent the days at home, guiltily wishing for school to start again.

And then the next year, snow got annoying at university, and starting playing havoc with me trying to get back up there by train.

And this year it went mad for ages, ruined work, then went away, tried to come back and ruin my birthday (and nearly bloody did - but thank goodness for determined friends - especially Trev, who deserves a mention for flipping off the snow in a bombastic car journey from Warwick to Leeds just to celebrate my 22nd) and now it's just coming back every now and then to wind me up. Yesterday afternoon, arriving back from London with a stinking cold and shivers because I was an idiot and 'too macho for a jumper' the night before, and then the snow came to try and kill me off at my weakest. And now this morning, there she is, mocking me as she falls from the sky. Look at you, she says, you wished me away and now you're all alone at your desk blogging and I'm outside having all this lovely fun. Snow is a right cow.

I really hope this isn't what marriage is like.

Blog 132: Channeled Aggression

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, and was pretty annoyed, so didn't publish it. It's never a good idea to publish something you've just written in a foul mood. So instead I waited until I was feeling a bit more cheerful and published it anyway...enjoy!

So I've had a bit of a manic week. I bought a new computer, and without 'slandering' the make (although if i was to say that it didn't work, it would just be truth) after spending over £1000 on a computer and finding it didn't work, and after spending every waking minute on the phone to my ISP, the place I bought it from, and the people who made it, let's just say when it's still just a glorified CD player (new computers don't even have CD drives so I can't even watch a DVD on the damn thing) I was feeling a little bit like everything in the world could and should me my own personal punching bag.

Let's just say my phone is better than my super duper top of the range computer at the moment. And I won't tell you what computer it is, but if you have ever read the story of the Garden of Eden, you'll know that this isn't the first time that this (or a similarly named) product has led to all hell breaking loose.

So imagine, I'm in a foul mood, I've packed up the computer ready to take it back, I've had several annoying phonecalls (all week, but loads this morning too) with cheeky sods who sarcastically ask if I'm Mrs Pasquale, and I finally have to accept that for the time being I'm going to have to sit and do work on my really out of date family computer, which basically doesn't work (although still works better than the new one...grrrr).

So I will begin by apologising to the people who write for this thing that plasters itself all over my facebook called 'Independent Voices'. I get that basically, we're the same. We both sit in front of computers, getting angry at anything, and then write sarcastic little articles about it all day and put it up for anyone to see. I mean, I don't force it down QUITE as many people's throats - people can read it if they want, but they're not teased in with catchy headlines. They also don't read it under the pretense that it is a newspaper article, just to find out it is some middle aged old bag who's just angry at Jeremy Clarkson BASICALLY because she's STILL single and her cats aren't giving her the satisfaction she so desires. So there are differences; subtle yes, but differences none the less. And let's not forget they probably didn't have their new computer delivered last week to be on their desk doing nothing more than being broken. But basically I get that this might be slightly hypocritical.

Basically though, I really don't care. I don't care if Ms (let's be honest, miss) I. ProbablyCan'tSayHerName hates Jeremy Clarkson. I don't care if he's on her tele and she'd rather watch Loose Women or some other dreadful 'hey look we can be funny even though we're middle aged and not funny!' show. But basically, just because Jeremy Clarkson said a car looks like a person with facial growths, doesn't mean I care, or want him off the tele.

The article is about Jeremy saying controversial stuff and how the BBC are too scared to stand up to him. But let's be honest, no they're not. They're loving it. Because he says something a bit iffy, and the internet lights up with talk of Jeremy Clarkson and the BBC and Top Gear and all of a sudden, Ms Won'tBeNamed isn't an independent voice but indirectly working for BBC's marketing division. That's why they don't stand up to him; because he inspires people with nothing better to do to write all sorts and advertise their shows for free. So shut up.

I'm not even gonna start on how that's hardly the worst thing said on television. It's not insulting anyone specifically and if you've got a facial growth and you're offended then sorry, but maybe don't watch Jeremy Clarkson - there are literally thousands of channels to watch. Just don't watch him. Seriously don't. I can't understand how people can get this fed up over one man saying something potentially offensive when there's so much going on in the world that's a trazillion times worse. And don't point out that I didn't have to read her article, I clicked something ages ago that means the independent fires stuff at me on facebook and also in the top right corner of my browser window and have absolutely no idea how to turn them off.

I feel bad cos I've gone mental at poor Ms. Unnamed but it's not just her. There's tonnes of these Independent voices, who think everyone wants to know what they're saying and everyone should listen to them because they're somehow enlightened because they write for the independent website (even though it's only the comments section). There are some that write there and they think they're funny, and they're the worst. To her credit, at least Ms. CantBeNamed didn't try and be funny. I've read several others who find themselves hilarious and write under the guise of irony or sarcasm but clearly don't understand what they are and they are just annoying.

Man, I was annoyed that day. Good news is the computer's working all nice.