Hello everyone, thanks for coming! This is my blog, it's where I largely write about things that maybe 3 people read, but I do it anyway because they matter. Have a flick through, read ones with interesting titles, and check by every once in a while and see if there's any more. You can also follow me on twitter at @MikePasquale or you can visit my website which has got all my illustration on it: www.smash-rockets-to-mars.co.uk

Anyway, thanks again, and hope you enjoy your reading!

Wednesday, 30 December 2015

Blog 149: Crystal Meth

I love the TV channel called Challenge. It's literally brilliant.
The main reason I love it is that it will sometimes show an old TV show called Crystal Maze and it's hilarious.

And it's hilarious a little bit because all the people on there are from a while ago and all the fashion was a bit different then so they all look a little bit...well...

...just a little bit different from people nowadays. And I think that's funny.

But the main reason is the presenter. I'm told there was another guy before him, but the one I saw was  a man named Ed Tutor-Pole. Ed briefly replaced Jonny Rotten in the Sex Pistols and then started his own band called TudorTen or something, so you might know of him.

Just to be clear, I am not saying this next bit is true, I am merely saying that in my opinion, the impression is given that the presenter acts in a way you might expect of someone who is taking class A drugs. Again, I am NOT saying that Ed Tudor-Pole is actually addicted to cocaine, I am just saying that if someone was addicted to cocaine, you might expect them to act in a similar way to how he acts while presenting that particular show. In fact, I'm going to retract all of that in case I get in trouble, and just leave you with a picture and let you think what you want to think.

Whatever you just thought in your head is your own thoughts and I am not responsible for them. So if you want to complain, address it to your own brain.

Here's a clip, actually, if you want to watch him sidling up behind people and yelling nonsensical things at people like a creepy drunk Victorian Dr Who. But I should warn you that as you watch this, it will be a bit like watching a nightmare, except you can't just wake up and escape.

If I was locked in that room I'd rather just be left there, Captain.

Anyway, it's so brilliant because it's a bit like a kids' show I used to watch called Jungle Run, but it's got adults on it instead of kids. Yet Ed still makes them peg it around this giant studio, holding them by their hand, and they still get well excited about finding all the crystals.

One of my favourite bits of Crystal Maze is when people get trapped in the rooms, and they can't escape because they failed that particular test. They always look so alone and dejected, like their thoughts have finally caught up and they realise they're running around following a...let's say an eccentric man - who you can tell is constantly straining so much it hurts to try and think of something to say and keeps saying things that aren't very funny, like a Dad on Christmas. So they're running around after him and they're trying to find crystals. All of a sudden they realise the haunting truth of where they are and what they're doing.

"I've let my family down..."

One more thing, one of the other shows I watched was called 'Finders Keepers' and had Neil Buchanan, the guy from Art Attack. Just wanted to share the bit when a boy named Alex, who called himself 'the Ginger Ninja', came on and introduced himself. "I'm the boss in my house," he said, "I'm always beating up my brothers. One is FOUR AND THE OTHER ONE IS ONE AND A HALF?!?!"

This boy is a danger to society.

And then Neil went absolutely mental.

I could genuinely write about the things you see on this channel forever, you should definitely watch it. Anyway, well done for being situated on a planet that's completed one whole orbit of a star, thanks for reading, and have a Happy New Year. You deserve it.

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