Blog 129: The Ad Dominizer, Part 2

Here's some more of those pesky crappy adverts that wind me up... if you're gonna waste my time, at least do it well.

6. Adverts where the child tells the parent not to eat something but then the parents get caught out eating it and the child disapproves. Currently this has taken the form of an ad for oreos. You're her dad, put your foot down. If you wanna be up late eating oreos, you can. If she wants to be up past 9, tough luck, she can't. She sits around drawing stick pictures of you, which are frankly unflattering, while you're at work earning the money that pays for her to 'go to school' and 'learn'. Tell her off, and stop buying her oreos if she gets cheeky.

7. Similarly, the one for bread pockets... I'm not sure if its Hovis or not, but it's basically a pocket of bread which you put stuff in. Quite a good idea, although it's completely pointless and obviously would be stupidly expensive what it is: really thin, plastickey bread. But anyway, the advert's different. It's basically a teenage girl's eating sandwhiches, of all things, late at night and her dad comes down. And then instead of the realistic "AND WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'VE BEEN?" "Ohhh shuut uppp dad, I can do what I like, i'm 16 years old now, stop treating me like a child" "WELL I'LL STOP TREATING YOU LIKE A CHILD WHEN YOU STOP ACTING LIKE ONE" "Oh leave me alone, I'm going to Trent's house" "NO YOU'RE BLOODY NOT, YOU'RE GOING TO YOUR ROOM, AND WHO THE BLOODY HECK'S TRENT?!" "He's a really nice guy, actually" "WELL I DOUBT IT IF HE'S DATING MY DAUGHTER" "Sigh, huff, stompy shoe, throws sandwhich in bin violently and slams door" "AND DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO THE PROM NEXT WEEK, YOU'RE GROUNDED"...woah sorry there, I got a bit trapped in my own psyche... Anyway, instead of all that realistic stuff what happens when you're up late eating...not sandwhiches but like, chocolate or biscuits, let's be honest...instead of all that, THIS teenage girl stands in the kitchen talking like it's a professional pitch about how these bread pockets are really good because they're tasty, healthy, etc. As if.

8. The muller one with people singing that song that's on EVERY advert "i got my something got my something," you know the one. Except this time it's not a professional singer singing it, it's mediocre singers singing it, and singing different words to show the flavours of muller. "I got my apples got my blueberries" etc. Obviously, the word blueberries doesn't have only one syllable in, so it doesn't really scan, this song. It's very clumsy. And it's made a hundred times worse by the woman who sings, and this is no joke, "I've got my cherry". Before the watershed.

9. Ads for Supersize v Superskinny... this is kind of an attack on the whole show to be honest. When I heard the name of that I thought I'd be watching a really fat woman beat the heck out of some twiggy little man. When I saw what it actually was, I wasn't angry, just disappointed. Very disappointed.

10. The Trivago ad. Basically, the idea is go on their webby and you can get cheap deals on Hotel. They demonstrate with split screen showing different hotels. One with a gorgeous dark haired woman in a black bikini, and another of an aging overweight man in a rubber ring with a stupid hat on. But the main difference? One hotel was £115, the other was £78. But they don't seem to realise that I don't want to go to a hotel with an awful loud overly-typical 'Brit' in a rubber ring. By that logic I'll just go on Coach trip. Yeah, you spend the entire time with some of the worst people ever, but hey, it's cheaper. So basically, their ad doesn't work. By the way, if anyone knows the lady on that advert can you give her my number, thanks.